Alex's Adventures on the Infobahn - family

Rewards

2012-02-17T07:44:00+00:00

As predicted the blogging has dropped off quite precipitously. I still seem to be functioning on a reduced amount of sleep (although Fliss is taking the brunt of the sleep interruption by far). However the evenings are both shorter and much more structured. Eating is slowly moving from a task best accomplished at speed as we alternate baby holding/entertaining duties with each other to one where Ursula is happy to sit in a bouncer/bumbo and watch us shovel food in our faces. We have started getting into the bathing/sleeping routine which currently puts us all to bed at roughly the same time.

However it's still very rewarding. I didn't think I'd get quite so gooey inside when Ursula started smiling at me. Although she's simulated smiles for a while it's mostly been a prelude to some sort of gas incident. She is now firmly into social smiling territory and every time she does it it's like a gift to salve the troubled soul that your at least doing something right. In the time that this post has been brewing (I started it a couple of weeks ago) we have even moved on to giggles and laughs. It's certainly noticeable from close up how fast they start developing their personalities as they move from needing food/sleep/cleanliness to discovery and play.

We have managed to leave the house for extended periods and spent a lovely weekend in snowy Yorkshire on the annual walking holiday with friends from Fliss' time at university. It was particularly fun because there was a spike of new parents with their kids (along with a couple of old hands) along with plenty of helpful hands willing to hold babies when parents needed to do something else. I found is particularly helpful chatting to people a few months/years ahead of us in the parenting game and be reassured about what we are doing. My stated parenting style is to exude a air of calm confidence while paddling like mad under the water to figure out what to do next.

Fliss' mum was very kind to come over and spend the night giving us a chance for a meal at one of our favourite Italian restaurants with just the two of us. It was nice to get a few hours to ourselves to remind us of what life used to be like. However for all the work and disruption that a new family member causes we are happy with our new life and only occasionally think wistfully of our former freedoms. It does also make those periods of freedom when they do happen taste all the sweeter.

In other news I have also been working quite hard at my day job and have recently been promoted to Principle Software Engineer. I'm now responsible for all the software engineers in the company as well as all the software deliver-ables. I'm not quite a drop-in for the old Head of Software as I'm sharing some of the management type responsibilities with the Head of Engineering as I'm quite keen to keep my hand as a developer. 2012 is certainly shaping up to be a busy and rewarding year.

5 years ago

2012-01-02T23:32:00+00:00

I was reminded of a new years party 5 years ago when I rather drunkenly blurted out to Fliss my desire not to be separated from her by geography next time we welcomed in a new year. We hadn't been together that long and she was visiting Oz for her brothers wedding. Happily I've celebrated every new year with her in person since.

This year was not exactly rock and roll as we now have Ursula with us. We ordered a large takeout and set about watching a few films (Source Code, pretty good actually) before heading up to bed before Big Ben struck. We watched the local fireworks from our bedroom window and pretty quickly went to sleep (a luxury these days to be taken when possible). When I think about the last 5 years I realise what a lucky and fortunate man I am to have such a wonderful wife and now a beautiful baby daughter.

What big eyes you have

2011-12-18T18:42:00+00:00

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We've had Ursula at home for over a week now and are slowly getting into the swing of this parenting malarkey. So far we've nicknamed her "Trufflehog" after the manner she searches for the breasts when she's hungry which seems to basically be when she's awake. We are getting a growing amount of the "Quiet Attentive" awake state though. Her fascination is mainly with areas of contrast which to us mainly seems to be corners of the room. I'm not sure how much is down to baby face morphology but one comment that keeps coming up is how big her eyes are. Although I'm bound to be an overly proud Dad I'm fairly sure she's already starting to track objects and points in space. You can play an interesting game carrying her around being guided by the position of her head. A head she seems to be able to keep upright most of the time by herself although she still hasn't mastered the art of pushing up when on the play-mat.

As she is currently not self-propelling the day to day handling is fairly simple. However preparation is the key to success here:

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I'm sure all too soon she will become self-propelling and then our lives will become a lot less sedentary. In the meantime we are feeling quite pleased having made it out of the house several times. We've managed a brief trip into town, a tea-morning and a couple of trips to the pub. Ursula certainly seems to be happy to drop off when ever she is put in the car seat and driven anywhere. This tendency also translates to the car seat being "fitted" to the shopping trolley.

One area we have struggled with is the pram cot which she doesn't like at all - tending to kick and scream while at the same time divesting herself of the layers of warm blankets to shield her from the environment. While wheelies seem to briefly calm her down it's not a long term practical solution. I wonder if she is developing Minbari sleeping habits?

As it has been almost impossible to get her to sleep in the mosses basket we've already taken our first major parenting decision to keep her in the bed with us. It has improved on the amount of sleep we actually get and it makes feeding her fairly non-distracting. We do worry about the advice against co-sleeping but feel the size of the bed makes it a little more practical and we've developed fairly light sleeping habits quite quickly. The feedback from others has been interesting though, ranging from warnings about making a rod for our own backs later to encouragements to go with what works for us. At some point we'll have to encourage her to sleep on her own but it's a bridge we'll cross later on when she's sleeping longer hours.

I've been back to work a few days and have the next two to look forward to until I break for Christmas. I'm already looking forward to what month 2 brings. I'm hoping just a little more sleep and a lot more activity from Ursula.

New Family Unit, Some Assembly Required.

2011-12-07T22:08:00+00:00

I brought Fliss and Ursula home on Monday morning so we now have a complete family unit at home. We didn't do much on Monday apart from appreciate being back in the house with all the attendant creature comforts. Tuesday didn't involve much either but we had both sides of the family visit in the afternoon for a little celebratory drink. So far Wednesday's most taxing task has been a trip to the doctors for a jab for Fliss. We are literally taking baby steps in building up our baby wrangling confidence.

To be fair to Ursula she's not overly demanding as of yet. If she's awake she is generally hungry (and/or in need of changing) otherwise she sleeps a lot. Today we got the first glimpses of a growing interest in the rest of the world, but mainly it's the eating and sleeping that keeps us occupied. It's a good design feature because they are fairly uncomplicated needs to fulfil when operating on a reduced sleep cycle. Still it felt like a small victory to have had a few hours of sleep each last night.

Tomorrow we may tackle the immense task of visiting town to obtain some heavily engineered mammary holders. Before that I need to work out exactly what the minimum functional travelling baby bag is.

Light at the end of the tunnel

2011-12-02T11:26:00+00:00

Ursula is quite possibly the healthiest baby that has ever graced the Special Care Baby Unit at our local hospital. The sequence of events that led us there were more than a little concerning. As we were about to be discharged the midwife observed a leg twitch that didn't look like the standard myoclonic twitch you expect with sleeping babies. This led to a summoning of the paediatric registrar followed by the consultant and her crash bag. At the time we wondered if it was just the hospital stalling our discharge as we were getting impatient to go home having been told the final blood test result was one hour away for several hours in a row.

There are a number of possible causes for these twitches, mostly neurological in nature with various infections including meningitis potentially acquired during the birth. After an examination the registrar assured us the most likely cause would be "just one of those things your baby does". However they obviously wanted to rule out any of the other potential causes. Ursula was whisked up to the neo-natal intensive care unit and plugged up to various monitors and a cannula for monitoring and a series of tests. The experience was a little unsettling but the staff were very re-assuring and professional and obviously used to the shock that affects parents as their newborns get whisked into a room full of hospital beeps and alarms.

So far all the tests Ursula has been subjected to have come back negative. The only remaining possibility is meningitis for which the test involves a delicate lumbar puncture procedure. After 3 failed attempts (wriggly babies are very rarely compliant) they abandoned the notion. As a result the working assumption is it was caused by meningitis and Ursula needs to complete the anti-biotic course she has been on since she moved to the ICU. She has since been moved into the rather more sedate Special Care Baby Unit (less beeping, more space) where she continues to be a hungry, alert and otherwise very healthy baby.

Fliss was discharged on Wednesday and has been going through a bit of a hormonal roller-coaster as she comes home after spending the day feeding and reading to Ursula. However the end is in site and we hope to be bringing Ursula home on Monday evening (or possibly Tuesday morning) once she has finished her course of antibiotics.

The experience has been a little unsettling. It seems I've collected the "Parental Worry" trophy a bit earlier than I was planning. However I remain grateful to the professional NHS staff who have been taking care of our precious daughter where her health and not the cost of her care has been their top priority. Meanwhile I've been back to work for a few days so as not to burn all my paternity before the family is fully assembled at home.

Do the stars shine brighter tonight?

2011-11-25T23:45:00+00:00

This was my thought as I unpacked the car tonight. It may have been the cold weather and clear skies though, it's hard to be sure. I'm currently pottering around the house tidying up and preparing to welcome Ursula to the home tomorrow. I suspect my perspective may have altered in the last few days.

Lets start with the birth. As it approached it felt much like a late night after party when everything was getting a bit hazy. You know the sort, you're sure someone said something profound but it's been a very long night.

For a variety of totally mundane reasons it had taken us 28 hours to reach the dénouement of this particular hospital visit. I'll spare the tedious details although I'll happily give you the story as I remember it over a beer if you ask me in person. 28 hours is a long time to be awake and the sensation of transforming from the theoretical future parent to an actual real one is much akin to being launched off on a roller-coaster of unknown length and duration. I have now joined that biggest of shared clubs - hello my fellow breeders, I can talk about my child now ;-)

Picture of a newborn baby looking hungry

When I was ordered to bed the first night I excitedly blurted the news across the social media. I was worried I would bore my followers with parental ramblings before being reminded there are a lot of parents out there happy to share their experiences. I'll be paying closer attention to what they say in the future on my journey to responsible adulthood.

I've ticked off a few things on my journey so far.

* My baby certainly didn't look like Winston Churchill. I don't know all those other parents cope ;-)
* Nappies aren't really an issue, parental pragmatism kicks in pretty quickly.
* Nuzzling post-feed babies are indeed cute, even to a manly bloke like myself

I'm sure I am quickly acquiring the list of stereotypical parental behaviours. I get the sense it's going to be a wild ride catching them all!

Not a creature stirring....

2010-12-26T09:52:00+00:00

As the sun rises on a clear blue boxing day morning my body ponders what to do with the excess calories of yesterdays toughing. After so many years of the Bennee clan together with occasional grand-parental input we are now entering a new phase of the Christmas dynamic as the extended grouping of Bennee's and Roberson's gather to celebrate the days finally getting longer. Together the 9 of us have scoffed a small mountain of food, challenged each other in mental battle and revelled in classic party games. One particularly fun game was the one known as Dirty Santa which has the interesting dynamic of present theft built in. I missed out on the Lava Lamp but did gain a pair of touch screen enabled gloves which is very handy in this cold weather.

I was quite happy with the Doctor Who special although the scientists in the room did call out "Double Paradox!" at one point. The Grand Mof is certainly a safe pair of hands for the franchise. I'm looking forward to the 2011 season with much anticipation.

I hope everyone has enjoyed their Christmas celebrations and best wishes a we head forward to the new year. What are we calling this decade anyway?

Shout out to my bro

2010-03-10T11:32:00+00:00

Please join me in wishing my brother a happy birthday. I'll take the oppertunity to pimp his photo blog which people with an interest in photography and photoshop might find quite interesting.

So that was Christmas

2009-12-28T12:03:00+00:00

You'll have to excuse the radio silence since my last post. The run-up to Christmas was a rush to ship the next version of the product to the testing team for next year. This wasn't helped by a whole day being taken up with the company Chrimbo do for clay pigeon shooting and lunch in one of the colleges. They also changed their mind and let everyone have the whole of Christmas eve off instead of a half day as a freebie which cut into my release schedule. Still it all came out right in the end.

As this is the first year in our new house Fliss had decided to offer to host the festivities for both families. Although catering for 9 seems a fairly daunting job at first (especially without a dishwasher!) it all seemed to go pretty smoothly - mostly due to Fliss' careful planning. I was mostly operating under instruction. The willing army of washing volunteers also helped keep that particular aspect under control.

For Christmas Eve we played an Agatha Christie murder mystery game while Fliss served up some wonderful local Duck. Christmas was the usual Turkey affair (again Norfolk local) but with plenty of top-ups throughout the day. Fliss then prepared a wonderful piece of pork which was cooked for 16 hours overnight leaving a third delicious piece of meat for Boxing day. We also did plenty of fresh stock preparation which should see us through the next few weeks of warming hearty meals.

Although it is probably unseemly to talk about Christmas swag I will say the PS3 faeries have been good to both of us. Although SingStar Queen is unlikely to see public light unless I'm very drunk both Batman: Arkham Asylum and CoD: Modern Warfare 2 have been exercising the console in the post Christmas chill-out zone. I suspect Fliss will finish Arkham before testing out Assassin's Creed II. The winter months truly are designed for idling the hours away on a console.

Unlike previous years there hasn't been a rush to get out an visit other places straight after Christmas so we have mainly been relaxing. We are due up in Manchester on the 30th and shall be at C&P's for New Years Eve.