The Rules according to SCO

Posted on Fri 21 November 2003 in geek

This anonymous light-hearted moment of unbridled sarcasm is licensed under
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additions or corrections.

SCO rules of the game.

  1. Only SCO is allowed to bully and intimidate. No one may bully or intimidate SCO or its partners.
  2. If anyone claims SCO has broken any laws, those laws are automatically one or more of the following: invalid, unenforcible, unconstitutional, violate export laws. If SCO claims IBM, Linux users or anyone else has broken any laws, they are automatically guilty and no evidence is necessary. Only unsubstantiated claims are necessary to prove guilt of others.
  3. SCO is free to change its story as many times and as frequently as it deems necessary. There is no such thing as lying, inconsistency, hypocrisy or self-contradiction.
  4. The most effective legal strategy is to mimic our opponent's every move. Taking the initiative is not necessary.
  5. Hype and sensationalism in the media are all that is necessary to prove that many people owe us money. Waiting quietly for our day in court is not acceptable.
  6. SCO will easily survive for the next 2 years waiting for the IBM and Red Hat trials to begin and then more years for the appeals process. SCO is a highly respected member of the Unix and Linux community and sells many high quality products and services and has a profitable, growing business.
  7. SCO has the moral high ground.
  8. SCO has the silent majority supporting its claims.
  9. SCO executives are entitled to make enough money to own a second house.
  10. Only SCO is allowed to have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
  11. Novell, Red Hat, Eric Raymond, Bruce Perens and the entire open source community are illegally conspiring against SCO because IBM is paying them to do it.
  12. SCO is free to use the terms "our valuable IP" and "our valuable intellectual property," even in court, even though they are vage, nebulous terma. SCO does not ever need to specifically state what type of rights, such as copyrights, trade secrets, patents or trademarks.
  13. The claims against Linux are part of a wider debate about intellectual property rights in a digital age. We are not aggrandizing the issues or trying to use smoke and mirrors to prevent you from discovering the emperor has no clothes. SCO and/or its executives are not trying to make themselves look and feel more important than they really are.